Scrap the new year’s resolution and get real by committing to aggressive action, because its what real men do.

Every year in the final days of December, men around the world begin to casually throw around cliché’ resolutions. They boldly lie to themselves and others with idealistic goals that lack any real strategy or conviction. “I’m going to lose 50 pounds” proclaims Johnny, with a look in his eyes that is searching for your buy-in.

Come January 1, gyms across the nation welcome a swarm of new activity. The regulars are irritated that there is a line for the squat rack, but deep inside, they smirk that Johnny won’t be here in February, when gyms default back to regular attendance and fast-food restaurant sales return to normal.

As I have examined this phenomenon—both as a spectator and as a participant—I can’t help but believe that these annual lies we tell ourselves aren’t degrading our trust in our own word. By claiming to do something and not doing it, we are undermining ourselves. We wouldn’t intentionally lie to others so blatantly, why have we come to peace with looking in the mirror and seeing the little boy who cried wolf?

You can do better. I can do better. We can stop lying to ourselves. We can conquer our weaknesses and hold our heads high in every area of our lives. Below is a list of actionable ways you can become a better, stronger, healthier, greater man starting today. I am not claiming any of this is easy, but definitely worth it. 

Before we review some ways of growing, it is important that we acknowledge that many men are not in a great place in today’s culture. For many men, weakness is (oddly enough) a dominating trait in their lives.  

If you are struggling as a man, you are not alone

• More than 6 million men are reported to be clinically depressed
• Over 90% of young men admit to watching porn videos on a regular basis.
• 1 in 5 men have a problem with alcohol abuse
• Testosterone levels declined by 25% between 1999 and 2016
• 81 percent of single men said sex is now less important than it was for them in pre-pandemic times
• 7.2 million men (25-54) are not working or looking for work
  

All growth begins with a decision 

If you feel stuck in any area of your masculine growth–if you feel paralyzed by a way of thinking, an addiction, or fear, realize that apathy to this state will simply keep you in this place forever. The key is to make a decision. 

In Theodore Roosevelt’s famous “Man in the Arena” speech, he claims that credit belongs to the man in the arena who “…at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” 

By failing to make a decision, by taking no action, you align with the cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. Instead, dare greatly. Make a move. Navigate and course-correct from there.

Become a man of action and take the first step

I must humbly admit that one of my core weaknesses has been to overthink things. However, you are reading this today, because I have chosen to take a first step as an action-oriented man. The book of Proverbs says that in ALL labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. 

This means that “work works.” No effort is in vain. Whether or not the desired outcome comes to fruition, all action is beneficial to a man. One of my favorite teachers, Myron Golden often says “If what you are working on is not working FOR you, rest assured, it is working ON you.”

Your journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. As Patton once said, “When in doubt, attack!”

Own your purpose and passionately pursue it

 Don’t lie to yourself. You know what gets you out of bed in the morning. God put you on this planet for an intentional reason. Many men don’t want to acknowledge the purpose they are called to—because they know they will have to become responsible for it, so they toss it like a hot potato and act like they are clueless. 

Your purpose doesn’t have to be a vocation. It doesn’t have to produce money. You may be content with being a mailman or tradesman. That’s great! But what is your purpose? What sets your heart on fire? These are not rhetorical questions. I want you to answer them…right….now. 

Are you thinking of it? Good. Now, what are you doing about it? 

Don’t go it alone. Join a band of brothers

 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Bring yourself into the masculine vulnerability of fellow men. Loneliness affects about half of US men. Find a men’s group, a church, a team sport, a martial arts class, a hunting or fishing club, etc. 

Be open and vulnerable about your challenges. Be ok with not knowing some things. Give yourself permission to ask the “stupid” questions. It’s ok if you don’t know how to handle an issue with your marriage, or change the oil in your car, or zero a red dot on your everyday carry. 

Ask for help. Will you get teased a bit? Maybe, but embrace a little light-hearted locker-room jest. It’s simply one of the unique ways men communicate with each other. At the end of the day, men bond by helping each other solve problems. You will live through it and will come out the other side with both wisdom and friendship.

Find someone to follow

Authority is good. You need a father. You need a mentor. You need a teacher. You need a coach. You need a spiritual guide. You need to submit yourself to another man who possesses more wisdom and authority than you possess to lead and direct you on your masculine journey.

For most of history, up until the turn of the 20th century, a young man would spend years as an apprentice in his father’s trade (or his uncle or neighbor’s trade). This is where the boy was given the gift of his masculinity–it was not formed by evolutionary process, but rather, received from another man. 

“If boys don’t learn, men won’t know.”
—  Douglas Wilson

In Joseph Campbell’s “Hero’s Journey”, a framework for great storytelling, every story has a hero, and every hero has a mentor. Without Obi Wan or Yoda, Luke Skywalker would have never become a jedi. Without his trainer Mick, Rocky would have never become a champion, and without Mr. Miyagi, Daniel would have continued being bullied by the Cobra Kai. 

You are the hero in your own life story. Who is the mentor that you receive wisdom and accountability from? Swallow your pride and find one. Do it today.

Receive salvation 

 Face it, you are messed up. Everyone is. There is no getting around the fact that you can’t fix the countless broken things inside of you by your own strength. Nobody can. That’s why we need to be saved from this thing called sin (missing the mark). 

According to the Bible, God the Father–who lovingly created YOU, knew that you needed a solution for your evil thoughts and deeds that separated you from Him. He desired to be in relationship with YOU, so he sent His Son, Jesus to shed His blood as YOUR sacrifice, so that His blood would cleanse YOU from your sin, uniting YOU to unbreakable relationship with the Father.

Because of Jesus, you have a Father (God), and the Spirit of God (who is sent to help and teach) will live inside of you if you choose to believe. This means you have 24/7 spiritual tech support and power supply living inside of you. Plus, He left you an instruction manual called the Bible, which happens to be the best-selling book in history, and His Spirit helps you understand it.

Read the Bible daily. Talk to God daily. Receive salvation daily. These are gifts to you from your Father in heaven that will fill your life with supernatural, overcoming power.

Pursue a real woman

A mentor once told me that a man cannot fully mature until he gets married. I didn’t understand this when I was single. Years later, as a seasoned husband, I can attest to this truth. There is no catalyst for maturity on earth as powerful as a virtuous wife. It is both fearful and wonderful.

But I want to shift directions a bit and discuss the elephant in the room– the reason most men are slow to marry, and many marriages lack passion, and why a generation of men are essentially modern-day Eunuchs enslaved by a morally bankrupt culture and its toxic fruit. 

Your libido is a gift from God, fellas. But this gift is designed to drive you to aggressively pursue a bride, and after marriage to pursue romance and intimacy with your wife. It’s designed to make you a fruitful man who fathers children. 

Allow the fire of your sexual drive to fuel productive action–rather than sitting in a dark corner spanking your monkey on the internet and living the rest of your day out in shame and weakness. Use that energy—bottle that fire—and get after the real thing! 

Many men have severe addictions to pornography. If you need help overcoming this area, the greatest disinfectant is sunlight–bring this issue to another man you respect, like a pastor or father and ask for help. 

Stop sleeping your dreams away

 One of the most classic excuses men use when failing to take responsibility for their neglected health, dreams, or friendships is that “they don’t have the time”.

Do you sleep? Yes, of course you do. Well, your sleep happens inside of a realm called “time.” What time do you decide to wake up each day? Can you decide to get up an hour earlier? 

By rising one hour earlier, you will accumulate 365 hours of available time annually. That’s more than three workdays per month and more than nine workweeks of extra available time per year. 

Still believe you don’t have time? Stop lying to yourself and get to work, Buster.

Display an impeccable work ethic

“I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” 
— Thomas Jefferson

Close your eyes and picture the famous training montage from the original Rocky film. The trumpets sound and the theme song triumphantly leads us through several minutes of footage of the hero performing an array of challenging training exercises in preparation for the main event. 

Every man has the opportunity to express this level of passion and dedication in his work. In fact, the bible even instructs us to. 

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.”
—  Ecclesiastes 9:10

Your time in this world is short, make it count. Find something to do and give it all you’ve got.

Be a man of your word like your life depends on it

Modern culture has lost all honor for the ancient practice of covenant, that’s why infidelity remains the #1 cause of divorce–the words ”till death do us part” were not held in the fear and honor that they deserved. 

As a man, how often do you make a commitment to yourself without following through? For a man to keep his word is the most fundamental of virtues. Whether you create a commitment to others or simply to yourself, your word should be just as meaningful. 

Choose to create a covenant agreement with yourself regarding your goals–give your word–and never undermine yourself.

Lift heavy things

Resistance is a key to growth. Life will never cease to present resistance in the form of trials and obstacles–especially when you are stepping out of your comfort zone to reach an objective.

As you overcome the obstacles, discipline, strength, stature, experience, maturity, and wisdom is formed. Arising each morning to weight train is a great way of conditioning your body, mind and spirit to overcome resistance.

“The body should be treated more rigorously, that it may not be disobedient to the mind.”
—  Seneca

In addition to the formation of a stronger body, an increased tolerance for pain, a boost of self-confidence, a more attractive appearance, a sharper mind, and a healthier cardiovascular system, you will be exercising internal muscles of emotional, psychological, and spiritual perseverance and grit.
 

Eat like you have common sense (or like you want to live to be a hundred)

While every man should be intentionally active, every day of his life. All of the hard work you put into training can be undermined with your mouth. The fact is more American men die each year from by potato chips and cookies than any other cause.

At this point, you should already know this. Eat natural foods. Eat meat. Eat dairy. Don’t drink oat milk. Oats don’t have nipples. Neither do soy or almonds. Use common sense. Stay away from processed foods. If a food makes you feel like crap. Listen to your body. If it doesn’t seem like it should be good for your body, it probably isn’t. 

Don’t be afraid to experiment, I’ve spent a better part of the last year on an animal-based diet (+ a little fruit), and I feel like I turned back the clock two decades. My body is telling me a greater truth about my diet than the FDA or medical establishment ever has. 

Devote yourself to being a lifelong learner

Billionaire investor Warren Buffet was once asked for a secret key to success. “Read 500 pages a day.” He responded. “That’s how knowledge works. It builds up, like compound interest. All of you can do it, but I guarantee not many of you will.”  

In addition to the obvious benefit of increased knowledge, studies show that reading books expands vocabulary, improves conversation skills, deepens sleep, reduces stress, improves memory, sharpens focus and concentration, and may even extend lifespan.

One easy way to start reading is to set a book next to your toilet at home and try reading a page or two every time you are on the throne. Not that I’ve ever done that…because that’s just unsanitary…but, uh…I’ve heard people do that. 

Be a dangerous man

We all know the scout motto is “Be prepared.” But as men, as husbands, as fathers, how prepared are we? Every man should have the ability to protect and defend their families and communities. 

Estimates show that 82,880,000 people own at least one firearm in 2023. If you don’t own one, you are in the minority. If you don’t know how to use one, you need to get training. If you are scared of guns, you need to grow a pair and get educated. 

Learn basic self-defense. Have a few tricks up your sleeve–a few down and dirty techniques to drop an attacker. Keep your body in the type of condition that you could subdue a bad guy. 

Participate in your local government

 If the direction of the culture or political climate in the nation concerns you, the best way to create change is not in running for congress—but rather speaking at city council meetings or school board meetings, or running for local positions. 

Despite the humble nature of these positions, this is your sphere of influence and the place you can create the most consistent impact, because you live there. 

Small municipal governments are becoming serious battlegrounds, and they need your voice. Find a way to get involved.

Be willing to lead and willing to mentor

Leadership is a masculine trait. It is in your DNA whether you feel like a leader or not. You don’t need a title to be a leader, and you can lead whether people acknowledge it or not. 

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.
— John Quincy Adams

As you grow in your masculine identity, in your spiritual maturity, and your experiential wisdom, look for opportunities to impart what you have to others. As Jesus said, “Freely you have received; freely give.” (Matthew 10:8)

Have a vision of generational transfer

Finally, in everything that you do in life, in every trial you encounter, in every victory you win, in every resource you acquire, keep a clear vision of those things extending beyond your life and into the generations that follow you.

Look for opportunities to teach lessons, transfer wisdom, and pass down resources in order to raise up strong, healthy, free men and women in the generations to come.