The blood has left my limbs and is presently rushing to protect my vital organs. I can’t believe this is happening again. “C’mon, Richard,” I mumble, as my heart vibrates my frame like a 15” subwoofer. “You can do this, they literally can’t hurt you.”

It’s been five years since I last faced this hostile adversary, and was left in emotional and financial ruin. Since then, I’ve hired shrinks, coaches, and counselors. I’ve acquired an impressive library filled with personal development books–I’ve even started writing one–yet, here I am, staring down the barrel of an unconquered fear.

My enemy has fashioned a wall that disappears into the clouds and blends into the eastern and western horizon. There is no way over or around this stronghold. Either I die where I’m standing, or I go through the pain of breaking through this cursed wall.

And that’s exactly how I remember my experience of making outgoing sales calls for my business this afternoon. 

You’re chuckling, and I understand, but I’m serious; cold-calling prospective clients scares the ever-living shit out of me, every time. 

Now, you might be asking, “Why is he afraid of making a phone call? They can’t even see him.” This is a good and logical question. My best explanation is that…well, I’m a coward. 

I am not ashamed to tell you that I am a coward, because I am not alone, for you also are a coward…at least in some area in your life. Don’t believe me? Ask your wife. When afforded the opportunity, a good wife is more than happy to snap a man out of his narcissistic neverland. 

It is important to note that I do not share my story or call you on the carpet alongside me for the sake of negativity–far from it. It is my conviction that we are to live free from the reign of fear–that we are more than conquerors (Romans 8), and that each of us has a more fruitful and fulfilling life just beyond the imaginary line of our perceived limitations.

In the book, The Way of the Superior Man, David Dieda explains that “a man’s growth is optimized if he leans just beyond his edge, his capacity, his fear.” Most men don’t have the guts to spend much time at the edge of their comfort zones because it’s scary, unfamiliar, and uncertain, but this is the place where we come the most alive. This is the place where breakthrough happens. It is only at our edge where we tap into our “dangerous” masculine personas that men respect us for and women find most irresistible.

Here are 7 ways to overcome fear and be a man of courage

Admit that you are afraid

“He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.”
―Ralph Waldo Emerson

The first step to overcoming fear is admitting that you are afraid. A man must come out of denial, look in the mirror, and see that there is, in fact, the likeness of a chicken reflecting back at him before any other action can be taken. 

While this is not usually a pleasant revelation, it is a necessary one. Acceptance of your fear is the first step towards your freedom from it. 

Identify your fear

“Named must your fear be before banish it you can”
―Yoda

While the idea that “ignorance is bliss” may have merit for the sheeple in our culture, a real man sees the exposure of his weaknesses as an opportunity for growth. 

Many of us men are afraid of being exposed. We like to appear–and even fool ourselves into believing–that we have everything under control. This is because most of us are uncomfortable with vulnerability. The inability to control or fix some things is frustrating for us.

Write down what you think you are afraid of. Then ask yourself if there is anything else powering that thing. For example: 

As I mentioned earlier, I am afraid of making cold calls. Is that the real fear or just the symptom of the fear? It is more likely that the underlying fear is one or more of the following:

• Fear of rejection
• Fear of failure
• Fear of success
• Fear of public Speaking
• Fear of responsibility
• Fear of being exposed as an imposter

Understanding what you are afraid of, and giving it a name is a good start towards bringing it under your feet. In the classic strategy book The Art of War, Sun Tzu said, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.”

Present your fear to God

“I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.”
―Psalm 34:4

In one way or another, the Bible says “Do not be afraid” nearly 100 times. Jesus, himself, said it over 20 times. If I was a betting man, I would put my chips on the probability that God does not want us to live with a spirit of fear. In fact, in the Old Testament, He commands His people several times to “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid.” That command is still very much alive and carries power for us today. 

It says in the book of 2 Timothy, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” This means the bad stuff is coming from one source: the Devil–who Christ has already defeated, along with all of his demons (like fear). God’s word is clear that He is giving us a hope and a future, that His heart is for our prosperity and not for our destruction.

Determine to overcome the fear

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.”
―Theodore Roosevelt

One of the cheat codes to fostering determination is visualization. One of Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is to “Begin with the end in mind.” This means it is crucial to see, hear, feel, touch, and taste, what a successful outcome looks like for you. Otherwise, you will be easily tempted to retreat when the shizzy hits the fizzy. 

Another way to build grit and longsuffering is to consider the costs of not overcoming or not taking action. For example:

• What is the cost to my finances?
• What is the cost to my family?
• What is the cost to my career?
• What is the cost to my health?
• What is the cost to my ________?

Asking yourself these questions can provide additional facts you can build your case upon and more fuel for your perseverant flame. 

Look at the facts

“Facts are not influenced by feelings.”
―Unknown

Here is a life lesson that most men in this soft generation would benefit from: facts are not influenced by feelings. The sensation of fear that you have regarding a situation does not alter the facts that surround it.

Professional boxers have an average of 8 weeks to prepare for a fight once they accept it. During that time, they train according to the facts about themselves and the other boxers. They look at speed, power, reach, stance, age, fight history, and more. From there, they build their practice strategy. Every day they train based on the facts that they know, not the feelings they have.

Many times our fears are dramatized versions of the real situation. It’s important to look at the facts, and build a strategy based on reality–not emotions or assumptions.

Have you put in the research to quantify your assumptions? If not, do this first. In many cases, a little bit of knowledge can go a long way in demystifying and disarming your initial fear, providing you with a little more confidence.

Also, be sure to challenge your mindset. Have you been viewing your situation from a pessimistic frame of mind? Is it possible that your glass is half full? Be sure to look at the situation for what is possible, rather than what is not.

Write down a list of possible routes you can take to overcome your challenge. There is almost always an infinite amount of ways through an obstacle if we think creatively and believe that anything is possible.

Take swift and aggressive action

“Saying you’ll do something may take one kind of courage, actually doing it requires a different type. Real bravery lies in deeds, not words.”
―Aesop

The truth is that inaction will only compound your fear. Action must be taken…like right now.

There is nothing wrong with baby steps. There is no pressure to knock it out of the park the first time on the field. Give yourself a little grace. Begin to gradually progress into your challenge. 

This act of confronting your fear–-even in a humble beginning–will help you to gain confidence, courage, and momentum.

Never give up

“Never turn your back on fear. It should always be in front of you, like a thing that might have to be killed.” 
―Hunter S. Thompson

Let’s be real, you’re probably going to get knocked down. That’s ok. Setbacks give you another opportunity to practice and another opportunity to find a better way forward. 

Failure is a great place to grow in resilience–so consider each time you fall to be a gift to you. Boxer Evander Holyfield once said, “Setbacks only pave the way for a comeback.”

Remember to love yourself as you face your fear. Stepping forward into the things that terrify you takes courage and vulnerability. That said, you must respect yourself for taking those steps and have grace on yourself when you inevitably fail at times during the process. 

Summary

You and I get to choose each day whether we are going to submit to fear or rise as men of courage. It is always our choice. Let’s decide to overcome and live our lives in fullness and boldness. Carpe Diem.